zenslacker #5

Zenslacking is a course of therapy for those caught in the riptide of modern life...here is another installment:

1.    Are you happy? If you’re not sure then you need to do more Zenslacking. Stay on the bus a few stops too far and then amble back. If you never take buses, take one.

2.    Sometimes things don’t work.

3.    If you are slightly depressed observe it and revel in it for as long as you can.

4.    Aim to watch a rubbish movie at least once a week. Preferably one you’ve seen and dismissed before.

5.    Whenever you feel competitive strive to win in a way that lacks all subtlety. Keep this nasty display up for as long as such feelings last- though it doesn’t work so well if people don’t get the joke.

6.    Force yourself to stay up late reading a book until it’s finished.

7.    Revel in the Beegees.

8.    Give small tips when you feel a strange and unwelcome vibe from an absent waiter that you should tip big because you are such a nice person.

9.    Call yourself a bastard, think of yourself as a bit of a bastard from time to time. Revel in this bastard self-image as a nice change from always thinking you’re the good guy, the nice guy.

10. Doing good is acting now. Though of course acting now doesn’t guarantee anything.

11. Say nothing when you are asked a question you don’t want to answer. Make no excuse. Just say nothing and smile benignly if you have to.

12. Feel free, when there are punishing consequences on the horizon, to tell a very obvious lie. If discovered elide your way past the glaring falsehood. The important thing is to keep moving, so to speak, not to allow yourself to be stumped- and this fact dwarfs the insignificance at being caught out telling fibs. Just keep talking until the moment passes.